I Used to Joke About Paying for Their Therapy—Until I Realized This
The specific shift that helped me feel lighter, more present, and more me—while still being there for my children
"I'll pay for therapy when they get old enough," I used to joke to my friends when my girls were little. Every time I felt like I had messed up—said the wrong thing, reacted too quickly, or just didn't know how to help them—I'd laugh it off.
But deep down, I wasn't joking.
I could tell when I made mistakes. I could see it in their faces, in the way their little shoulders slumped or how their energy shifted. I could feel it in my gut—that pang of I should have handled that differently.
The truth is, my desire to help them ran deep. I just didn't always know how.
I didn’t realize that sometimes these were my triggers from my past. I was projecting my pain onto them.
And in my effort to protect them, to fix things, to make everything right—I didn't realize that I was also dimming something in both of us.
I was dimming our Spark.
The Many Hats Moms Wear—And the Energy We Carry
As moms, we wear so many hats:
Problem solver
Protector
Emotional support
Teacher
Disciplinarian
Guide
We take on the weight of our kids' struggles, their emotions and their experiences. And in the process, we often absorb their pain instead of holding space for it.
I didn't realize it at the time, but this was slowly draining me.
I was carrying their struggles as if they were my own, trying to make everything better, not just for them—but for me, so I wouldn't feel that ache of watching them hurt.
And in doing so, I wasn't just exhausting myself.
I was also unintentionally dimming their Spark by not letting them fully experience their own internal guidance system. I encouraged their expression but than solved the problem.
The Moments That Broke My Heart
Over the years, there were moments that made my stomach twist—times when I desperately wanted to step in, to undo, to fix.
The volleyball coach who yelled at my daughter, making her feel small and doubt herself.
The so-called friends who ganged up on her over the phone—the ones I didn't even know about until she walked downstairs in tears.
The teacher who punished the whole class by cancelling recess because of one child’s outburst - leaving my energized daughter confused and frustrated.
The equestrian trainer who was cruel and selfish, breaking trust instead of building confidence through compassion.
Each time, I felt that overwhelming instinct: How do I fix this? How do I protect her?
But no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't go back and erase the hurt. I couldn't undo her experiences.
The Hardest Parenting Lesson: Holding Space Instead of Fixing
The hardest shift I had to make as a mom was this: learning to hold space instead of rushing in to fix.
I was trying to parent in a way I had never been parented. I wanted my kids to feel seen, supported, and safe—but I also had to accept that they were going to have their own life experiences.
I had to figure out:
How to let them struggle without feeling like I was failing them.
How to guide them without controlling their choices.
How to be their safe place without shielding them from every hard thing.
I had to learn boundaries.
And here's where the Spark comes in—both theirs and mine.
Releasing What's Not Ours and Reigniting Our Spark
Before, I thought my job was to absorb their struggles, to take them on as my own so I could protect them from an unjust world.
But now, I see that when I do that, I dim both of us.
When I try to control every outcome, I hold onto energy that isn't mine to carry. And when I do that, I lose touch with my Spark—the part of me that feels alive, light, and connected.
And more importantly, I take away their chance to learn how to navigate their own energy, their own resilience, their own Spark.
Now, I approach things differently:
I listen more than I advise. Instead of immediately jumping in with solutions, I sit with them in their emotions first. "That sounds really hard. I'm here for you." I give my daughter time to process and percolate.
I ask, 'Do you want advice or just someone to listen?' Sometimes they don't need me to fix anything—they just need to be heard. (This is really hard for me but I do my best.)
I validate their experiences. Even if I think a situation isn't that big of a deal, to them, it is. And that matters. It’s an honor to hold space for them to experience their life.
I remind myself: This is their life, not mine. Their challenges are shaping them, just like mine shaped me. My job isn't to remove every obstacle, but to help them build resilience.
I ask myself: Am I feeling triggered from my past? Recognizing my own triggered feelings gives me an opportunity to let go of the past and heal my wounds.
And as I do this, something incredible has happened.
I feel lighter. More present. More in tune with me.
I'm no longer draining myself by carrying things that aren't mine. Instead, I'm showing up as a mom who is strong, centered, and aligned with my own Spark—so my kids can learn to do the same.
For the Moms Who Feel This Too…
If you've ever felt that deep ache of wanting to protect your kids but not knowing how—you're not alone.
I get it. It's heartbreaking to watch them struggle. But the biggest lesson I've learned is this:
Our job isn't to take away every hardship. Our job is to be the steady, loving presence that helps them through it.
Because when we do that, we don't just help our kids.
We set ourselves free, too.
Ready to Reclaim Your Spark?
If you're nodding along as you read this—if you've been carrying the weight of your children's struggles and losing yourself in the process—I want to invite you to something special.
Join me for my "Stop Mom Guilt in Its Tracks: The Simple Shift to a Calmer, Stronger You" Masterclass for Moms where I'll share the exact practices that helped me:
Release the energy that wasn't mine to carry
Set loving boundaries that serve both me and my children
Reconnect with my own Spark—that vibrant energy that makes me feel alive and present
This isn't about being a "perfect" mom (trust me, I've learned that doesn't exist). It's about being a mom who's aligned with her own energy so she can truly show up for herself and her family.
Receive the Masterclass directly to your inbox starting April 9th & 10th.
Grab your spot today and let's reignite that Spark together.
Because the truth is, when you reclaim your energy, everything shifts—not just for you, but for everyone you love.
Love & Expansion ,